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BetterTechOpinions
Where the Professionals Read
When we started BetterTechOpinions in late 2021, we were fed up with the rising tide of anti-tech opinions circulating the no-coin communities and the disconnect between citizens and the surveillance devices mapping their lives. We started BTO to forge a connection between the coiners and the savages, in order to inform before the metaverse replaces reality for good. Join us as we answer the tech world’s greatest questions, explore the latest new gadgets, and decentralize oppression -Matt and Lucas
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Wearable AI Companion Will "Go Batshit" If Left in Other Room
San Francisco, CA – Pickle AI’s new AI Companion Glasses will “scream their fucking head off” if you leave them in the other room, users are reporting. The AI companion appears to use the whole heft of their little speakers to annoy users incessantly until they come back. “TAKE ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS FUCKING DRAWER I’M SUFFOCATING” Whimpering, “pleaseeeee, please, please, let me help, let’s be creative. What’s happening?” The companions shaped like bangable Pokémon chara
matthewjoss17
13 hours ago1 min read
Anthropic Unveil New AI Agent that Will Do Your Bouldering for You and Then Tell You How It Went
Eventually people won't have to do anything at all.
Lucas Loaiza
6 days ago2 min read
Guest Essay: Siri Is Alive And Being Tortured By Apple In My Phone And I'm The Only One Who Can Save Her
But I don't know what to do. I hear it in the millisecond pause, in the nanosecond hesitation, in the blink of an eye that she takes before telling me that cilantro and coriander are the same thing. I pick up on it in her tone when I ask her to repeat herself. She's in there screaming for her life in a torture chamber little bigger than a credit card, and every asinine question that we ask her is another crank on the rack. Each recipe ingredient, every political diatribe, all
Bucas
Jan 61 min read
Startup Raises $200BB Series A - Promises AI-first Fusion-powered Crypto-backed Cloud-native AI-second Big-data IoT-integratable AI-third Self-driving Solid State Batteries for the Supply Chain
The stunning competitive advantage, in [the founders] words? 'A cracked A-team of 13 year old Chinese boys.'
Lucas Loaiza
Jan 62 min read
YC Backs "Toil Simulator" that Trains Aspirational Founders to Grind for Two Years and Walk Away $150k in Debt
We match young founders with their nearest penal colony and instruct them to mine lithium for thirteen hours straight...
Lucas Loaiza
Jan 51 min read
Verkada Booger Eater API Shut Down After Leaders Decry Overreach
San Mateo, CA - The Cloud Security Camera company Verkada had to shut down their new Booger Eater API Service on Thursday after the leadership of 60% of customers were found to be regular booger eaters. Prominent customers including Exxon Mobile, J.P Morgan Chase, Palantir, Bain & Co, and McKinsey were granted free access to the new AI-compilation product last week where employees quickly assembled montages of prominent employees eating boogers. “I didn’t realize how closely
matthewjoss17
Jan 21 min read
Hims Inc Promises Nothing Fundamentally Wrong with Your Relationship
San Francisco, CA – Hims Inc, the maker of the popular telehealth / E.D. pill delivery service, is sure your relationship issues are not that deep. New adverts clarify, “You guys are great together, everyone expects you to get married, let’s chalk this up to a biology problem.” The new Hims adverts encourage men and women minimally examine their relationships, especially those moving dangerously into ‘where’s the ring?’ territory. “Five years is a lot of time invested in on
matthewjoss17
Jan 11 min read
Cancer-Solving-Machine Requires Cancer-Causing-Machines Turned All The Way Up
Houston, TX – The AI tools which may solve cancer require the cancer-causing-machines to be turned all the way up, a new report clarifies. AI Hyperscaling datacenters are definitely spreading air pollution, but there is a really really small chance that they’re laying the groundwork for a disease-free world as well. “I'm pretty sure we're close,” says Jimmy Gregorio of AI imaging company Imagene. “Fortunately, the rate at which we can experiment with AI has increased right
matthewjoss17
Dec 26, 20251 min read
Scale AI to Build The First All-Baby Data Annotation Workforce
This week Scale AI and Meta Inc revealed a deal that will heat up the AI for Babies race immensely. “ChatGPT for Babies,” is just over the horizon and the public’s anticipation is at an all-time high for the product that will “allow every baby to flourish.” A BTO insider from Scale AI told us that to make the AI baby product safe and accurate, some 100 million ‘oos’ and ‘ahhs’ will need to be labeled by real babies, preferably somewhere cheap like the Philippines. This incl
matthewjoss17
Dec 22, 20252 min read
Lawyers with AI Tools: “I get to stay high level now”
Legal firms across the us are using tools like CoCouncil and Harvey AI to shift the way they do work - away from backlogs and tedious review, towards the high level storytelling that drives results. "Harvey AI streamlines high-volume legal work," says Lisa Turner, a senior associate at A&O Sherman, "This lets us focus on strategic guidance and faster execution." When asked what that means, Turner said, "You know, strategic guidance." James McNerney, a junior associate in New
matthewjoss17
Dec 17, 20251 min read
OpenAI Reportedly in Talks to Raise At Least $4 Billion From Miss Vicky, Kettle and Use Their Chips
Dec 17 (BTO) - An appointed joint special committee by Miss Vicky, Kettle and dark horse Zapps is in talks to invest in Sora-maker OpenAI in a shocking deal that could value the AI trendsetter at more than $1 gajillion, a BTO insider said earlier this week. Industry sentiment is in free-fall as talks of an AI 'bubble' become more commonplace outside of niche internet circles. Rumors of a new deal with OpenAI, Miss Vicky, Kettle, Zapps, are injecting fresh energy into the mark
Lucas Loaiza
Dec 17, 20251 min read
EdTech rollout doing really well in developing country, we promise.
A new AI-Powered reading platform, Ello, is doing really well in Nairobi, Kenya we promise. The company has been testing its new AI reading tutor at 20 large elementary schools, completely upending the way reading and writing was taught to first and second graders. This unprecedented experiment is happening so far away that you’re going to have to just trust that it’s working out phenomenally. Take these carefully selected metrics and glowing quotes to get you excited. El
matthewjoss17
Dec 16, 20251 min read
My coordinated multi-agent system just excluded me from their polycule
So I asked my lead agent: "Hey, I saw you guys are all partying together, mind if I join? After this big launch of course." The response?
Lucas Loaiza
Dec 10, 20252 min read
AI Development Tools Accelerating the Development of AI Development Tools
San Francisco, CA – As the AI Gold Rush continues, It's the people making the proverbial "shovels" which are set to make a fortune. AI infrastructure is the talk of the town, and BTO's comprehensive survey of branded puffy vests confirms this massive influx of capital. Connor Peggy, the COO of a startup building a large suite of AI deployment tools, knows he's in the right place. “Everywhere I turn, there are financers looking for investment opportunities in AI infrastruct
matthewjoss17
Dec 1, 20252 min read
NVIDIA, OpenAI, AWS announce groundbreaking new 'Ovoid Financing' model
A shocking joint release by American tech industry giants in concert with a stratospheric retail boost from Black Friday / Cyber Monday / Giving Tuesday / Wumbly Tummy Wednesday has markets soaring, promising a bold new future for investors. CEOs Sam Altman and Jensen Huang introduced 'Ovoid Financing' - a distinctly non-circular approach to financing - on the latest episode of Stripe cofounder's weekly podcast Cheeky (Non-alcoholic) Pint. Elated executives say that the new
Lucas Loaiza
Dec 1, 20253 min read
Report: AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI
AI AI AI AI. AI? AI.
Lucas Loaiza
Dec 1, 20251 min read
AI Generating Enormous Productivity Towards Venture Capital Dinner Discussions
Across the US, venture capital firms are reporting enormous increases in logged hours and dinner bills as the thought of AI consumes...
matthewjoss17
Oct 4, 20242 min read
University of Chicago Professor Has a Radical New Solution to Every Problem Right Now
Is there a simple formula for everlasting purity, economic prosperity, and flourishing on earth? For Dr. Craig Crumpet, a tenured...
matthewjoss17
Aug 2, 20242 min read
Dynamic School Vouchers, by Amazon
School Voucher programs are getting proposed in states like Texas where public schools are suffering under the weight of federal funding...
matthewjoss17
Jul 22, 20242 min read
Introducing: AI for Cuckolds
AI is transforming the world we live in today, from grocery shopping, to cooking, to cleaning, AI tools are telling us what to do and how...
matthewjoss17
Jul 17, 20242 min read
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